When I joined Facebook I realized I kind of liked posting status updates, and eventually began posting more and more. The problem is I kind of have the urge to share more than most people want to know. BUT, I usually hold back on saying too much or on posting more than once a day because I don't want to become one of "those people". You know, the annoying ones that you are tempted to hide or unfriend because their status updates are too frequent, too stupid, or TMI? I could have easily become one of those people except I care too much about what other people think. I always have my "audience" in mind when I post, therefore I hold back or don't post at all because I'm afraid people will think I'm annoying too!
So, I've been toying the idea of a blog for a long time, to give me a place to say all the things I've been thinking, but didn't know what my topic of choice would be. I fancy myself as kind of comedian, so I thought I could maybe blog about my take on life or being a mom or whatever and maybe it would be funny too. Well, I never got around to that one, or any blog for that matter. And then 2 weeks ago I was given a topic.
Cancer.
My dad has Stage 4 Colon Cancer at age 60.
It totally sucks, and now I have something totally sucky to write about.
I have enjoyed reading this. And I can share that I too have been afraid of cancer. My fear started in late 8th early 9th grade when Laura had to have her legs amputated. At the time I was having knee problems, I was in severe pain quite often. I was sure I too had cancer. Only I didn't. And one day in late 9th grade I was down at the nurse's office icing my knees and Laura was there. She asked me what was wrong and I told her a bit about my so-called condition and she looked right at me and said yeah I can relate -- knee pain is the worst...
ReplyDeleteCancer SUCKS
After reading both of your posts, I'm in tears. I lost my grandmother (mom's side) to lung cancer when I was in 6th grade and then my aunt (mom's side again) to pancreatic cancer in 97 or 98. I too have convinced myself that I'll die of cancer, only because it's in my family. I was in Nursing school at St. Joes in 99-00, and quit because one of the patients I had was a year or two older than me and was in for cancer. I knew then that being a nurse wasn't for me; as I couldn't deal with seeing a peer, although I never met this person before, go through the chemo, radiation, and everything else she had to go through.
ReplyDeleteI will never forget the day my mom told me about your dad's accident, and then going to see him in the hospital. I remember how funny and fun Chuck was before the accident, and that's how I still like to remember your dad.
I know that we haven't had the greatest past, but you were such a huge part of our family for so long, that you & your family will always have a special place in my heart.
You'll make it through this, it may suck and you may want to scream and cry at times, but you know what, that's ok...get your emotions out. I can not even begin to imagine how you're feeling. Heck, my mom is going to be 70 in a few days, and I don't know what I'll do when her time comes. I kind of like to think she'll live forever, just as I'm sure you do of your dad.
I really enjoyed reading these, and thank you for inviting me to.
I love your blog already and hope that writing about all this stuff relieves some of the stress about it all. I am so sorry you and your family are going through this.
ReplyDeleteSo not only am I balling my eyes out because I wish I could make my brother's life easier, I am now balling my eyes out feeling your pain. Both are ok with me. I am and always will be a very emotional person. I don't know your exact pain, Hil, but I know how it feels to think it is so not fair to have to face the fear of losing a parent. I pray that your dad will survive this. I can only think of one or two losses in life that are worse than losing our parents. I have been through both and it sucks big time. I will always be here for you however you need me, and I would be more than happy to lay on the floor kicking and screaming along with you. I think it is therapeutic. Hang in there my friend.
ReplyDeleteLove ya,
Trace